‘There’s no I in TEAM’: Building trust, respect and rapport in your project team

Everyone seems to be in agreement that rapport is important and ‘a good thing’ for team members working on the same project. However, what is perhaps slightly less common knowledge is what rapport actually means in practical terms. Rapport is the ability to create trust and understanding between two or more people.[1] It enables us to see things from another person’s point of view and understand their motivations and priorities. While rapport is not necessarily accompanied by agreement the whole time, it certainly makes communicating and co-operating far easier in a project team.

Rapport is a key ingredient for successful, productive interactions. It can supersede rational evidence or logic when it comes to making a decision or choosing who to work with. Rapport links very well to the mBraining science of having three distinct brains in our head, heart and gut that guide our instincts and reactions[2]. While it would seem at first that the feelings associated with rapport would be most closely related to our heart and emotions, our logical head brain will most certainly see the benefit in building rapport and trust with someone we respect. Our gut guides our intuition and ‘gut feelings’ that we have about someone else. In other words – it understands and reacts to the rapport we build with them, influencing our decision whether or not to trust and work with them.

Rapport and respect

Respect is the cornerstone of rapport. Not just respect for the other person, but respect for your own feelings and ability to build strong relationships with others.[3] Respect in a work environment is all about valuing the contributions each person in the team can bring to the table. It recognises people’s skills and experience and treats them with kindness and appreciation.

Respecting each other at work should be an unwritten rule; a ‘given’. When respect is not there, people cannot trust each other, take other people’s ideas into account or even feel psychologically safe in each other’s company. Colleagues cannot perform well or handle conflict when it arises if they feel unsafe, disrespected and unable to build rapport within the team. Respect is a complex beast, made up of many different aspects. Perhaps the most important of all is trust.

Building trust

We are programmed to want to trust others. Being able to rely on someone else is a pretty basic survival instinct. Prehistoric humans hunted in a pack with everyone watching each other’s backs in order to keep the whole group alive and bring home the bacon (or sabre-toothed tiger, in this case). Building trust engenders a feeling of safety and support. It encourages people to share ideas, take risks and work collaboratively to improve productivity. One study showed that where trust is lacking in a team, individual members were far more likely to prioritise personal interests over common goals.[4]

NLP has a good number of strategies to help managers and team members build trust. Some of these include mimicry of people’s body language, gestures and breathing patterns. Copying or mirroring words and phrases or repeating back parts of what someone is saying to you shows you are actively listening and taking in what they are trying to say. Clearly, this should be done sparingly and with care, as too blatant an approach could make people feel uncomfortable or worried you are mocking their way of communication.

Smiling can be a powerful tool when trying to gain people’s trust, as are open gestures and a friendly demeanour. Listening out for words that reveal people’s core values is another great way to work out where they are coming from and how you can align yourself more closely with them. Abstract nouns are helpful for working this out – words that end in ‘-ity’, ‘-ness’ or ‘-tion’.[5]

Working collaboratively

According to the late Apple founder and CEO, Steve Jobs:

Great things are never done by one person; they’re done by a team of people.[6]

You don’t get much more successful or inspirational as a business leader than him. He understood that while we all have our own skills, qualities and experiences we work better together. To use that oft-quoted truism, ‘there is no I in TEAM’.

Whether you are now cringing at an overused phrase or nodding wisely at its indisputable truth, the fact remains that we as a species are stronger together. We return to our example or cavemen working collaboratively to hunt, kill and cook their dinner in order to ensure their ongoing survival. The Institute for Collaborative Working (yes, there really is one!) breaks the process down into a number of aspects, including support, teamwork, motivation, trust and communication.[7] All similar aspects of rapport, respect and trust. I love it when a plan comes together!

Where to go from here

The good news about all this is that building rapport is not a complex task, nor does it need a huge amount of resources. There are things that you can start doing today to build trust, strengthen connections and enhance respect between team members. Take a look back at some of my previous blogs about project management. Techniques such as active listening, using open questions and giving compassionate, constructive feedback will all help you foster stronger connections with your colleagues and help to build understanding and rapport.

I also discovered a great online advice sheet from the Government of South Australia that gives lots of practical ideas to help managers build rapport with and among their team: https://www.publicsector.sa.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0008/219815/003-Building-rapport-with-team-members.pdf.

Why not take a look and discuss it with your team? Get started on that collaborative working right away!

For more information and advice on establishing rapport, building respect and working better together as project team, get in touch with me to see how I can help.

[1] Source: https://nlp-mentor.com/nlp-rapport/. Accessed 18 July 2024

[2] Source: https://mbraining.com. Accessed 18 July 2024

[3] Source: https://ascd.org/el/articles/relationships-and-rapport-you-dont-know-me-like-that. Accessed 18 July 2024

[4] Source: https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.qinetiq.com/-/media/c59f75b6d14f4f519738039b977c696f.ashx&ved=2ahUKEwissuWK7bKHAxUUUUEAHQZFCT4QFnoECDEQAQ&usg=AOvVaw2o7OGio5sg3L3tLTKHaap1. Accessed 19 July 2024

[5] Source: https://globalnlptraining.com/simply/10-nlp-tools-to-instantly-gain-trust/. Accessed 19 July 2024

[6] Source: https://www.runn.io/blog/respect-in-the-workplace. Accessed 19 July 2024

[7] Source: https://instituteforcollaborativeworking.com/About-ICW/What-is-Collaborative-Working. Accessed 19 July 2024