Supporting family and loved ones through their mental health challenges
It is estimated that around one in four people experience mental health challenges every year.[1] While we can all experience times when we feel down, worried or upset, if these types of feelings continue for a long time, or get worse, this can seriously affect people’s daily routines, activities and wellbeing. It can take time for someone’s mental health to improve and things can often get worse before they get better. Witnessing someone we love go through that is very difficult, but it can also be hard to work out how best to help them.
Spotting the signs
The first stage in helping a loved one who is struggling with their mental health is to spot the signs that they are finding it hard to cope. These could include withdrawing from social events and invitations and interacting less than normal on social media. Loss of interest in hobbies and interests can also be a warning sign. People can often lose self-confidence or express low self-esteem, as well as irritation or anger at unexpected times. Some people’s behaviour can change too, becoming more reckless than usual, while another symptom can be difficulty sleeping or a loss of appetite.[2]
Any of these signs on their own need not necessarily point to mental health challenges, but two or more could be more concerning. Keep in close contact with a love done who is displaying multiple signs of struggling with mental health and seek professional medical advice if you are concerned about their state of mind. Always summon emergency help if you are worried that they may be in imminent physical danger.
Practical ways you can help
In order to help your loved one or family member cope with their mental health challenges, there are a number of things you can do. Probably the most important one is to let them know that you are there for them. Mental health is becoming more and more understood now, with difficulties and challenges generally dealt with more sympathetically and with less judgment than in the past. However, there is still an element of stigma attached to admitting to having difficulties with mental health, so knowing that they have someone they can turn to for non-judgemental, unconditional support could be a real lifeline to your family member or loved one.
When they do come to you, offer reassurance that you are available to listen. People don’t always want to hear ready-made solutions or suggestions., Simply being there to listen to what is troubling them can offer valuable reassurance and help them start on the road to recovery. Encourage them to open up to you by asking ‘open’ questions (How? What? Where and When). These encourage people to talk more freely, rather than simply answering ‘yes’ or ‘no’. They also avoid the implied judgement of ‘Why?’
What else can you do?
Be patient. The person may not want to, or feel able to open up straight away. It could take several attempts and multiple conversations. There could be underlying reasons why they are not willing to open up to you straight away. Never force anything, or try to arrange doctor’s appointments or similar on behalf of someone else. This could lead to them feeling pressured and less willing to share how they are feeling with you. Finally, don’t change how you act around them at other times. Behaving differently or ‘treading on egg shells’ around someone can make them feel unsettled, or guilty that they are ‘bothering’ you. Simply make sure that they know you are there for them if they want to talk, or need any practical help such as doing some shopping for them or accompanying them to a medical appointment. Then, carry on as usual, being their friend, loved one or relation.[3]
What NOT to say
As with any situation requiring an element of sensitivity and compassion, there are certain phrases that are less than helpful and should be avoided. Exhorting the person to “Cheer Up” or “Put a brave face on it” can cause further distress as they may feel bad about not feeling stronger, or like you are not taking their concerns seriously. Instructions, however well intended, such as ”Pull yourself together” or “Stop thinking like that” can also make the situation worse and add to the pressure already being felt by your family member or loved one.
Do not try to show empathy by comparing their circumstances to your own or anyone else’s. It is not comforting to hear about how “my cousin knew someone who felt like that and they had to go and see a doctor / take long walks / eat a better diet before they felt better.” Everyone is different and the way that mental health challenges manifest themselves and are best supported will be different for each of us too. Again, try to remain non-judgemental, refrain from offering too much gratuitous advice or instructions and offer a listening ear and practical support as feels appropriate.
Look after yourself
Finally, there’s a reason why aircraft emergency procedures instruct us to put on our own oxygen mask before helping others. We cannot help other people effectively if we don’t pay attention to our own needs first.[4] Make sure you have enough energy, time and distance to be able to help your loved one or family member. This involves taking care of your own physical health, getting enough sleep and a well-balanced diet. Set healthy boundaries and don’t take on more than you can handle. Try to share the caring duties with someone else that the person feels comfortable with if possible. Don’t be afraid to tell your loved one if you are feeling overwhelmed yourself, or need to set certain times to talk or meet. Make sure you have your own support network around you too, but do respect any confidential information that the person has shared with you. If you are worried about anything they say, you can alert the emergency services if you feel they or anyone else is in immediate danger, or speak to a counsellor regarding other areas of concern.
Where to seek help
If you are supporting a ,loved one or family member with their mental health, or concerned about someone else who is performing this role, please check out these helpful links.
[1] Source: https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/supporting-others/helping-others/. Accessed 29 September 2022
[2] Source: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/depression-how-you-can-help-others/. Accessed 29 September 2022
[3] Source: https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/supporting-others/helping-others/. Accessed 29 September 2022
[4] Source: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/mental-health-problems-introduction/for-friends-family/. Accessed 29 September 2022
