Discovering the wonder of loving ‘wondrously’
“Without wonder and insight, acting is just a trade. With it, it becomes creation.” (Bette Davis)
“The whole Earth is full of awe at your wonders” (The Bible, Psalm 65)
“I think to myself: what a wonderful world!” (Louis Armstrong)
These three quotes, taken from very different sources, all centre on the concept of wonder. What do we mean by ‘wonder’? A dictionary will tell us it is ‘a cause of astonishment or admiration.’[1] We have all experienced that – a wonderful meal, conversation or experience that has taken us by pleasant surprise by its elevated quality. However, wonder can go far deeper than that. It can fill us with awe, rapture or even fear at something of such magnitude that we have never experienced it before. Something wonderous can capture the imagination and leave us pondering it for days.
Taking time out to wonder about things is something that many of us feel we don’t have the time to do regularly. We often say things like , “I wonder what we’re having for dinner,” or “It’s a wonder I made it to work on time with all the train delays.” However, the power of truly embracing wonder and living wondrously is something that not many of us proactively seek in our daily lives.
Learning how to live – and love – wondrously is the theme of several ‘explorations contained in Grant Soosalu’s 2015 book, Loving Your Life. Soosalu, who died in 2019, was an international leadership consultant, trainer and writer with backgrounds in organisational change, coaching and leadership development. He was also one of the leading authorities behind the highly acclaimed Braining theory and mBIT (multiple Brain Integration Techniques) methodology that focuses on tuning into our three brains within the head, heart and gut for a more balanced reaction and outlook on life’s challenges and opportunities.
Soosalu’s book challenges and inspires us to examine different aspects of our life and our personality. Or, in the words of the book, “to bring [your] human spirit alive.”[2] Each exploration can be read as a stand-alone resource, or combined with others to create a combination to speak to you powerfully as an individual and person worthy of loving wondrously.
Relax and let go
Exploration 1 looks at letting go of the desire to always be ‘right’ about things. How many of us find ourselves arguing a point to the ‘nth’ degree, finding multiple hills to ‘die on’ and carrying on arguing until the other person concedes to our point of view and we feel a sense of justice. Sounds familiar? Sometimes, defending a point of view is vital and absolutely the right thing to do, especially if we are addressing something that is objectively wrong or potentially damaging to ourselves or other people.
Sometimes, however, the topic just isn’t that serious or dramatic. Learning how to love wondrously is all about accepting ourselves and others for who we are, showing compassion and offering care and support. No-one can be right about absolutely everything, not even us. We all make mistakes, and can often learn a great deal from doing so.[3]
Allowing ourselves space to accept that we don’t always get it right and don’t always need to have the final word can be hugely beneficial to our mental wellbeing. All the more so if we combine this approach with making plans to maximise our chances of future success by learning from our mistakes. The NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) strategy for mapping out such a plan goes something like this[4]:
- Clearly know your outcome: what you want and how to make it positive achievable and believable.
- Take positive action: don’t just dream. Do! Take actual, realistic steps to put your plan into place.
- Learn from feedback: make adjustments along the way to keep yourself on track and be honest about how things are going.
- Flexibility: see? It’s that word again! Be ready to change and alter your behaviour to help you move closer to your outcome.
Learning can be fun
There is a common saying that our school days are the best of our lives. Many people disagree, having gone through damaging experiences as a youngster such as bullying, friendship difficulties, exam stress and fraught transitions from primary to secondary school settings.[5] However, one thing that school gave anyone willing and able to engage, was the chance to learn. As children and teenagers adults, school, college and university allowed us to be exposed to new ideas, new subjects and new ways of thinking. As adults, with schooldays behind us, we can have the freedom to carry on learning, often in settings that suit us far better than a regulated classroom or online portal.
According to Exploration 4 in Loving Your Life!, when we stop learning, we stop developing and our search for satisfaction, pleasure and wonder is severely curtailed. Research shows that the acts of learning stimulates the growth of neurons, dendrites and synapses(all part of our neurological system.[6]). Learning helps us expand our horizons, gain greater control and choice over our life and provides us with more flexibility to follow whatever activities, hobbies and jobs interest us the most. [7]
How and what you learn as an adult is entirely up to you. You may need to learn certain skills to pass exams and advance in your career. Perhaps you have emotional areas within your personal relationships that require greater understanding to help that connection to thrive. Or, you might simply feel like now is the perfect time to look up something that you didn’t know that has been bothering you for ages or book yourself onto an evening class to pick up a fun new skill. Learning can make us feel better about our abilities and intelligence, increasing our chances of loving ourselves more wondrously.
Out with the old, in with the new
Exploration 20 ties together the themes of relaxing and keeping an open mind to new topics and ideas. It does this by examining the concept of letting go of old, unhelpful patterns of thinking and replacing them with new patterns that fit better with how you want your life to look. This is far easier said than done. We tend to cling to familiar things, however much we might want to let go of them and find something better.
Yet, just as we get better and better at something the more we learn about the finer details of how it works and then try it out for ourselves, the same thing happens in our brains when we begin to alter our way of thinking. Neuroscience has shown that when we activate certain areas of the brain’s cortex, this can physically remodel wave patterns in the resting brain. The new patterns don’t disappear the moment we stop thinking the new thoughts – they get stronger as time goes on.[8]
New connections quickly become familiar to us and new thoughts leave lasting ‘ripples’ in the physical circuits of the brain, just like a pebble flung into a pond does, long after the initial impact. So, it is our responsibility to ensure that we are throwing the ‘right’ kinds of pebbles into our brain, building positive through patterns and letting harmful ones sink to the bottom of the pond, unnoticed and unmissed. Examples of ‘the right kind of pebbles’ might include pursuing healthy levels of exercise, taking up meditation, eating a nutritious, healthy diet, seeing the humour in situations, pursuing fulfilling hobbies and embracing creativity and courage in our lives.[9]
Aristotle said: “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. By proactively working to accept our mistakes, embrace the joy of learning and establish positive patterns of thought, we can enjoy a far more considered approach to life and greater stability and support for ourselves and those around us.” Wise words indeed.
[1] Source: WONDER Definition & Meaning – Merriam-Webster. Accessed 20 May 2025
[2] Source: ‘Loving Your Life’, by Grant Soosalu, 2015, p1
[3] Source: ‘Loving Your Life’, by Grant Soosalu, 2015, p15
[4] Source: ‘Loving Your Life’, by Grant Soosalu, 2015, p15-16
[5] Source: ‘School days are the best days of your life. Right?’ – Counselling Directory. Accessed 20 May 2025
[6] Source: The Neuron. Accessed 20May 2025
[7] Source: ‘Loving Your Life’, by Grant Soosalu, 2015, p33
[8] Source: Life Enhancing: Your thoughts leave traces… Accessed 20 May 2025
[9] Source: ‘Loving Your Life’, by Grant Soosalu, 2015, p145-6
