Getting the Balance right

Over the last few years, we have had to navigate many different things. From economic volatility to climate change; armed conflict to COVID-19, uncertainty has plagued the world. In fact, it continues to do so as we work through the reality of these global issues in our own working and home lives. The world seems increasingly complex with the growth of tech and the impact of algorithms that society was perhaps not expecting, or at the very least has paid little attention to until now, giving rise to fake news, emotional appeals, and unreliable and sometimes fake information flooding our news cycles.

Making decisions today is a far more complex process than it was even just five years ago. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why there has been an increased focus on mental health in recent months. This is, of course, a welcome development. If like me, you have attended webinars, listened to podcasts, and even read up on the subject, you will have undoubtedly come across exhortations to pay more attention to your own self-care, in a bid to strengthen your mental health, build your resilience and keep your performance high. You may well have made a resolution to work on your self-care by making changes to your routine, taking time out to do more of the things you enjoy, and working out how to reduce the amount of time you spend “sweating the small stuff”.

That’s all good, right? Well, self-care is certainly a powerful tool to help you protect your mental health. However, have you ever stopped to think about the following? A key goal of self-care is to find balance. Our bodies thrive on regulation and order, so when we start to feel like we are tipping too far over in one direction, we need to take action to bring us back into a regulated state. To restore the balance. This is the purpose of self-care. Yet, despite this, many workshops, webinars, and trainings, etc will focus on just one part of the overall equation, which is all about stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system[1].

Welcome to your autonomic nervous system

The parasympathetic nervous system is in charge of controlling the body when it is at rest and calm. It works to conserve the body’s energy and relax it once a  perceived emergency or threat has passed. Starting in the brain, it helps to slow down a racing heart, bring breathing back under control, and help digestion to function correctly. We tend to be in “go, go, go!” mode most of the time, so often need a little parasympathetic activation to help us find balance and protect our vital systems. We need to look after ourselves with some self-care actions designed to help us relax and slow down.

However, the ultimate goal when it comes to protecting our mental health is to find that elusive place of balance. We can’t remain in a relaxed, calm state forever, however tempting that may sound. Our bodies and minds need to be alert and ready for action when something crops up requiring action or response. We need to fuel our imaginations, enthusiasm, stamina, and drive to push ourselves onto the next stage in our own journey of development and learning. It does nobody any good to stand still and relax for too long. As much as we need to support our parasympathetic nervous system, we must also pay attention to our entire autonomic nervous system, so we need a little activation of the sympathetic nervous system at times too[2]. This prepares the body for stressors and actioning, increasing blood flow to the muscles, decreasing it from the skin, and upping our heart rate. This is useful when we need to motivate our teams, or take some action to overcome a challenge, perhaps just getting out the door for a run, enabling our bodies to flood with the endorphins that help support our positive mood or state.

Finding balance starts with us becoming more aware of both of these parts of our nervous system, the parasympathetic and the sympathetic, not just one. We must become aware of how our body feels and reacts when we are in different states. There is no shortcut to this step, it takes time and focus to increase our awareness of ourselves. You can find some great tools and techniques that will help you on this journey, however, the key or primary ingredient is being open to learning about yourself. Once we improve our awareness of what is going on within ourselves, how we feel and why we do what we do and how the external environment is impacting our decisions and actions, then we can learn how to find the perfect balance between self-care and nurture to reduce the negative impacts of stressors and knowing how to overcome inertia or instinct when faced with a stressful situation to increase our ability to act decisively and wisely.

Keep reading to find out more about achieving balance…

Achieving balance

So, how do you know when you have achieved balance? In truth, there is no way to achieve absolute balance as we are constantly changing how we act and think, while also living in a constantly changing environment. The minute you think you have got it all sorted out, something changes and you have to learn how to manage your reactions to it. So, the journey continues. We often talk about creating a “balanced lifestyle”, or a “work-life balance” and these are important ambitions to have. Yet, carving out two hours a week to work on your personal relationship, or setting aside an hour a day for the gym will not bring balance to your body or mind on their own. Time management does not completely solve the question of balance, although it can certainly help you move closer to it.

Back to the question of self-care. If we stick with the idea of finding balance, adding too many activities designed to enhance our self-care can sometimes leave us feeling depressed and deflated despite our best intentions. This is hard to understand when we feel that we are doing all the “right” things without achieving the desired effect. I have recently discovered this for myself. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing.

When I did the mBIT certification some time ago, Grant Soosalu, shared the analogy of eating chocolate. I love chocolate, so it was a good one for me. As much as I love chocolate, though, there is only so much I can eat before I start to feel sick. If I keep on going and indulging myself, then I will actually be sick. That moment when the deliciousness changes to disgust is known as the “bliss point”[3]; any more will be too much. Knowing how much chocolate I can eat before reaching that point is the key to not feeling sick. You can apply this to anything, even to love. Too much love can tip over into obsession.

While it is, of course, important to have “down time” it is also important to be aware of when you have had the right amount of it. When it is time to stop focusing solely on self-care and turn your mind to the external environment and the things you need to work on or have promised others that you will get done.

The positive side of stress

So, the key message in all of this is that while stressors tend to get framed in our society as a bad thing, it is important to know that we also need them a little in order to develop and grow. Life can’t be all about relaxing, staying calm, and eating chocolate. Stressors help us get going and feel energised. Physical exercise is a good example of a helpful stressor that gets the body moving and releases endorphins. It gives us the reward of the endorphin feel-good factor while pushing us out of our comfort zone to get fit and keep moving, even if we’d rather just curl up on the sofa.

Likewise, a work deadline can be viewed as positive as its acts as a stressor to push us into action and provide us with the feeling of achievement when we meet the deadline and complete our task. However, when stressors get too big and unregulated, or to many all at once, that’s when they stop being positive and start to threaten our mental wellbeing.

Balance is therefore about finding the rhythm of life that allows you to flourish and grow while giving you time to rest and nourish yourself in the process. Self-care plays the important role of a release valve, allowing enough parasympathetic activation to bring us back to balance so we don’t burn out and enough sympathetic activation to motivate and energise us so we don’t languish.

What next? Top three tips to balance:

So, what’s the next step after reading this? If you find yourself nodding along and thinking about how to find the balance between self-care and pushing on. Here are my top 3 starting points to help you on your way.

1.Practice Balanced Breathing. Add a balanced breathing practice into your everyday. This will help you with the next two tips, as well as help you regulate your system to a place where you can process information more coherently. I recommend the balanced breathing practice developed and used in mBraining, This practice is focused on coherence and achieving a balanced state.

Here is a great youtube video by Dr. Suzanne Henwood on balanced breathing including some resource ideas. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPkU88SdSpU

2. Go deeper and develop your Self-awareness. Listen to your body, and learn what triggers you and what you can do to manage that. Find out if you tend towards living in a sympathetic or parasympathetic mode.

Some great resources here include the work of Deb Dana on befriending your nervous system https://www.rhythmofregulation.com/for-curious-people

3. Make time to Reflect. Reflecting on your actions and decisions can bring you a lot of insights. It can help you plan your self-care more effectively and appropriately to your own body’s needs. You can reflect in many ways, talking things through with a coach, getting on a personal development training, or learning journey, maybe you will need some therapy to explore and resolve some challenges, or simply writing a reflective journal can be hugely helpful.

Only you will know what you need to find that place of balance. There will be many helpers to walk alongside you: trainers, coaches, friends, family, therapists, doctors, pets, books… I could go on. The first step is yours and yours alone… discover yourself and welcome balance into your life.

You can read about making stress a positive here👉  https://www.gayleyoung.co.uk/mbraining/mbraining-stress-management/

[1] Source: https://www.simplypsychology.org/parasympathetic-nervous-system.html. Accessed 24 November 2022

[2] Source: https://www.britannica.com/science/parasympathetic-nervous-system. Accessed 24 November 2022

[3] Source: http://enhancingmylife.blogspot.com/2010/09/bliss-pointing.html. Accessed 24 November 2022