Gayle Young was invited to contribute to the Spring 2025 issue of Rapport magazine, which we have outlined below and can be read on the ANLP website here.

Instead of waiting for love to appear, I learned to engage in loving activities, thoughts and actions every day.

In a world filled with distractions and pressures from work, relationships and societal expectations, it’s easy to lose touch with what it truly means to love our life. We often view love as something we either have or lack, something given to us or withheld. But what if love isn’t a thing at all? What if love is something we actively do? This insight has been central to my journey through Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), mBraining and Positive Psychology, which together offer a powerful roadmap to a more fulfilling life.

Reframing love – from noun to verb

When I first encountered the idea of love as a verb, it was eye-opening. As Grant Soosalu highlights in Loving Your Life! we often treat love as a noun – a static thing we either possess or don’t. This mindset leaves us feeling that love is beyond our control, something that must come from others or external factors. In NLP terms, this is a form of nominalization – treating an action (love) as a static thing.

Soosalu challenges this perspective, urging us to see love as a process – something we actively cultivate through intention and attention. This shift was profound in my own life. Instead of waiting for love to appear, I learned to engage in loving activities, thoughts and actions every day. This wasn’t just about loving others but also about loving myself.

Love became something I actively did – through small acts of kindness, gratitude and self-compassion. The more I engaged in love as an action, the more love flowed freely in my life.

Applying NLP and mBraining to your life

The key concept in both NLP and mBraining is focusing on what matters most. Soosalu’s Loving Your Life! emphasises aligning our attention with our deeper values, desires and goals. When we focus on what enhances us – our inner strengths, values and aspirations – we begin to see meaningful change in our lives.

A central principle in NLP is reframing – changing how we interpret a situation to alter our emotional response. This is essential when it comes to loving yourself and your life. We often get trapped in limiting beliefs such as “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never succeed.” These beliefs are the result of how we frame our experiences. Reframing allows us to see new possibilities for growth and success.

An important tool in NLP is becoming aware of the language we use, both to ourselves and others. The words we choose shape our reality. By focusing on positive, affirming language, we train our minds to seek solutions rather than problems.

Moreover, mBraining integrates the wisdom of the heart, head and gut. Shifting our thoughts is important, and learning to balance our emotions and gut instincts enhances our decision-making and well-being. Listening to and aligning these three centres of intelligence is crucial for a life that feels authentic and fulfilling.

Experiencing the flow of loving your life

One of the most valuable insights I gained through exploring Loving Your Life! was Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s concept of flow. In Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, Csikszentmihalyi describes flow as a state of total immersion in an activity, where time seems to disappear and the activity itself becomes its own reward. This state is marked by focus, creativity and inner peace.

I’ve experienced flow many times, whether working on a creative project, having deep conversations, or being fully present with someone I love. The key to flow is engaging in activities that challenge you just enough to stretch your abilities without overwhelming you. These are the moments when you feel most alive and connected.

When in a state of flow, you’re fully engaged in the present moment. You’re not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future; you’re simply experiencing life as it unfolds.

These moments highlight that loving your life is about actively participating in the world, rather than passively waiting for positive experiences. Flow is a powerful state that helps us feel alive, connected and engaged.

Shifting our thoughts is important, and learning to balance our emotions and gut instincts enhances our decision-making and well-being.

Building connection with others

Connection is another key component of loving your life. As social beings, meaningful connections with others are vital for our well-being and happiness. Barbara Fredrickson, in her book Love 2.0, discusses the importance of “micro-moments of connection” – small, fleeting moments of interaction that can profoundly impact our emotional and physical health. These moments – whether a smile, a kind word or a gesture of empathy – release oxytocin, the ‘love hormone’, and foster trust and connection.

Reflecting on my experience with the Loving Your Life in 30 programme, I’ve witnessed the power of these micro-moments. One participant shared, “What a gift to be heard, seen, and listened to each day, sharing from our authentic selves. The value of all inputs and sharing are so enriching and nourishing.” These moments of genuine connection are transformative. They create spaces where love and trust can flourish, both within ourselves and our relationships.

Through collaborative teamwork, I’ve seen that love doesn’t need to be grand or dramatic to be effective. Small, consistent actions – like a thoughtful word or a simple gesture – can have a significant impact on our sense of belonging and connection.

As we engage authentically with others, we reinforce a cycle of positive connection and personal growth.

A key to loving your life

The most important lesson I’ve learned on this journey is that to truly love your life, you must first love yourself. This doesn’t mean ignoring your flaws or pretending to be perfect – it means accepting yourself as you are, embracing your strengths, and being compassionate toward your weaknesses. It’s about recognising that you are worthy of love, exactly as you are.

NLP has been a powerful tool in helping me overcome limiting beliefs and self-doubt. Through reframing, I learned to see myself not as a series of failures, but as someone capable of growth and change. With mBraining, I’ve learned to listen to my heart and gut, trust my inner wisdom, and align my thoughts, feelings and instincts in a way that feels authentic.

When I began practising self-love in this way, I noticed a profound shift in how I engaged with the world. The more I loved myself, the more love I was able to offer others and the life I was creating.

As social beings, meaningful connections with others are vital for our well-being and happiness.

Embrace the process of loving your life

As you embark on your own journey of loving your life, remember that love is not a destination – it’s a process. Whether you’re practising gratitude, engaging in flow, connecting with others, or embracing love as a verb, every step brings you closer to living a life filled with intention, connection and joy.

By applying the insights from NLP, mBraining, positive psychology, and the teachings of Loving Your Life! you can cultivate a life that reflects your deepest values and desires.

The power to love your life fully is in your hands. Start today and watch as love flows through every corner of your existence.