Fostering Trust and Boundaries in Trauma-Informed Coaching: Strategies for Building Effective Client Relationships
Four ways to build a trusting environment in coaching – and two ideas for maintaining healthy boundaries at the same time
As we reach the end of this series of blogs examining trauma-informed coaching, it’s a good time to reflect on some of the repeated themes that have emerged – and look deeper into one in particular. There are a number of key competencies that coaches need to develop, in preparation for being faced with a client displaying signs of trauma. Joanna Harper lists ten such competencies in her book, The Trauma-Informed Coach[1]:
- Acknowledge what the client has disclosed
- Define clear boundaries
- Create a safe client-coach connection
- Educate your client about their ‘fear’ responses to help them understand them
- Empower clients with resilience-building, self-regulation and motivational skills
- Prevent situations from escalating by safeguarding clients and reporting serious concerns
- Prepare professional policies and procedures to inform your work
- Refer to another trusted professional if the discussion moves beyond your boundaries. Signpost clients to useful resources
- Focus on the client’s strengths, inner resources and what they can do to help themselves
- Keep yourself up to date with training and CPD opportunities.
One thread that runs through these ten points is the importance of trust. Not only trusting in your ability and skills as a coach, but also developing trust inside the coaching session. Valuing your instinct for handling difficult disclosures and knowing when to seek support from another professional for the sake of you and your client. Closely aligned to this is the confidence to create and maintain boundaries for you and your client. As with other talking services, coaching relies on building up a positive relationship. This can only be established and maintained if everyone is ‘on the same page,’ feels safe in the room and knows exactly what to expect from each other.
The benefits of trust
It goes without saying that trust is vital for effective coaching to take place. Whatever the subject under discussion may be, trust is required to uncover the issues at hand and explore them in sufficient detail. Even seemingly innocuous subjects require trust so that they can be fully and safely explored. For example, discussing career progression can involve talking about job opportunities and applications that must remain secret until contracts are signed. Working on leadership or management skills at work could bring up insecurities or anxieties that the person being coached would rather keep quiet from their direct reports. Even having a few coaching sessions to help with public speaking requires the client to trust that their coach will be supportive and helpful, rather than critical or dismissive of their efforts to improve.
In order to build trust, there are a number of approaches that a coach can take to help clients relax, embrace the process and open up. Here are four approaches that a coach can use to develop trust during client sessions[2].
- Remain curious
Curiosity may have been said to ‘kill the cat,’ but it can also have the opposite effect on relationships. We all value being asked about our experiences and invited to give our opinions. We like the feeling that someone else is curious about who we are. It makes us feel that our contributions matter to the wider conversation. In coaching terms, listen carefully and curiously to what your client tells you. Ask plenty of open questions (avoiding those that require ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers) to draw more details out of them. Stay curious without straying into judgement or criticism by steering clear of ‘why?’ questions. Stick to asking ‘what?’ or ‘how?’ instead.
- Focus on the other person
We all have our own worries and preoccupations. However, when you are coaching someone, it is vital to leave yours at the door and focus solely on them and what they’re telling you. This will help you come across as more engaged, and encourage your client to open up. Use active listening techniques, such as nodding, smiling (or visibly reacting in another, appropriate way). Repeat back some of the phrases that the person is telling you to show that you have heard them and that they have your focus and attention.
- Ask, don’t tell
If you have observed something in your client that you think it would be helpful to tell them about, or offer a correction, always ask their permission first. This can be something they have said, or an aspect of their body language or posture. It can be challenging to have someone hold a mirror up to your behaviour like this; however, it can also be very helpful in the right context. By asking someone if they are happy to receive this type of feedback before giving it to them, it can be received in a far more constructive manner. The same goes for giving advice and sharing your own insights with your client. Ask first – and never assume.
- Walk in their shoes
Empathy is everything in coaching. If you cannot understand why someone is acting in the way that they do – or not acting in a way that you think they should be, ask yourself why that might be. What could have happened in the person’s life to affect how they react to certain situations or questions. Empathy brings with it greater understanding and a deeper connection between people. An empathetic leader can bring out the best in those they manage by showing that they understand their feelings and position.
Setting boundaries
Hand in hand with creating trust is setting boundaries. We do this all the time in our everyday lives without even realising. Letting other people know what we are happy to accept in terms of behaviour, communication styles, relationships and more. In coaching, establishing boundaries and making sure your client knows and understands them is critical. It helps draw that all-important line between being an empathetic, yet professional coach and becoming too close to your client emotionally.
Allowing yourself to blur these boundaries can result in an unhealthy dynamic. This can lead to lasting damage that can reverse the effects of your coaching, or even make things much worse. Important areas to consider when setting boundaries include assessing potential clients for suitability for coaching[3]. Can they become grounded in the present in order to move forward, or do they have lasting trauma from their past that is too complex to move beyond without specialist counselling? What safeguarding and confidentiality measures need to be in place? Do you know where to refer people on for additional or alternative help if needed?
Here are two methods for making sure that your boundaries remain firmly in place during a coaching session[4].
Don’t do all the work yourself
The most effective coaching provides the client with the tools and confidence they need to work on the issues that are affecting their life themselves. A coach cannot transfer their own motivation or effort onto another person. The process is for and about the client and what they need to do next, not an excuse for them to delegate all responsibility for their happiness or progression to you as their coach. One way to help achieve this is to establish long- and short-term goals with your client. That will prevent them from feeling overwhelmed by one massive overarching goal, or finding it too easy to pick off one little goal and consider the process over too quickly.
Coaching is not the same as counselling or therapy
Finally, it is important that both you and your client understand what to expect from the coaching sessions – and their ultimate outcome. Trust can be severely damaged if there are misunderstandings about what is going to happen – or who is going to do what. Some ways to prevent this include drawing up coaching ‘contracts’ that spell out your expectations on day one. Ask your client to clarify what they want to get out of their coaching so you can be sure that you are able to help them. Both parties should review this regularly, and reflect on how they think things are going.
If you’re interested in finding out more about building trust and establishing boundaries to help you practise effective and safe trauma-led coaching, please get in touch with me to see how I can help.
[1] Source: The Trauma-Informed Coach, Joanna Harper, published 2022, p6-7
[2] Source: https://www.workboard.com/blog/coaching-with-trust.php. Accessed 29 April 2024
[3] Source: The Trauma-Informed Coach, Joanna Harper, published 2022, p142-144
[4] Source: https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2023/03/09/16-tips-for-maintaining-healthy-boundaries-with-coaching-clients/?sh=1f89bd9d43aa. Accessed 30 April 2024
