Modelling and Mentoring – and why they matter

Is ignorance bliss? Are we better off not knowing some things? Or is openness, honesty and the quest for knowledge more important for our personal wellbeing and growth? In Grant Soosalu’s book about positive psychology, mBIT and NLP, Avoiding the Enemies to Happiness, he tells us that ignorance is, in fact, very far from bliss. Not having access to the knowledge, experience and skills we need to thrive can actually be distressing, obstructive and even downright dangerous. Not knowing certain things can prevent us from seeing what’s coming and preparing properly for tricky situations. It limits our choices, amplifies consequences and increases our risk of making mistakes[1].

Model behaviour

The good news is that there are many different ways in which we can search out the information we need to thrive and grow – and thus eliminate ignorance. Techniques such as modelling the behaviour of people whom we admire, and sharing our own insights with others in turn, allow us to broaden our minds, plan more effectively and work towards greater mutual understanding. In fact, much is said in the NLP world about modelling, and the huge benefits that it can bring.

Modelling is seen by many NLP practitioners as one of the most essential skills to master. By observing other people and watching how they get results, we can use what we have learned to ensure similarly successful outcomes for ourselves. The theory is that only by watching, analysing and testing out the approaches we see from others can we improve and move forward in our own confidence and skills[2].

The testing phase of modelling is particularly important. It helps us develop different techniques to help us improve our own performance. It will be inevitable that some approaches will not work for us, or will need adaptation to bring them closer into alignment with our own personality, experience and goals. Modelling works for both positive and destructive behaviours – when we model something negative, either by mistake or on purpose, we learn by the reaction of others that this is most likely not an avenue we should be pursuing.

In addition, modelling helps us understand other people better and gain insights into their motivations, experiences and desires for the future. This helps cement business relationships, bring friends and family closer and eliminate many misunderstandings that can cause problems further down the line.

Modelling at work

Modelling can help with so many different situations in the workplace. From problem-solving and creative thinking to sales pitches and recruitment[3]. Watching others, applying what you like about their behaviour to your own approach and avoiding what you don’t can help in all of these areas.

Planning your approach to modelling is straightforward. You can begin by identifying someone who is excellent at a certain behaviour, skill or method of communication who you would like to emulate more closely. If possible, ask them if you can learn more about their approach and talk to them about what works for them in a business setting. People are usually happy to help if they have the time, and are pleased to be considered a worthy subject for modelling.

Next, spend time observing your chosen person or people in action. Try to find out as much as you can about their situation, including how they may be feeling, what actions have preceded the actions you are watching and the outcomes they are hoping to achieve. Imagine yourself in their shoes. Would you have done what they chose to do? If not, why not, and which approach do you think would get the best results? Don’t forget that, although you are watching someone you consider to be excellent at their work, nobody is perfect! They are not immune to making mistakes at times. If you do spot an error, watch how the person deals with it, as this offers an additional chance to learn from modelling in a less desirable situation.

Then comes the testing period, which gives you an opportunity to try out what you have seen yourself. You may wish to test out more than one approach to see what works for you. As already mentioned, modelling behaviours that don’t work out quite as you might have intended can offer valuable lessons alongside the many successes you should hopefully experience along the way.

Be honest and thorough when appraising your results. Are you seeing significant improvements? If not, what could you do differently? It is always worth going back to the observation phase if you are unsure – perhaps choosing other people to watch to compare and add further details to your research.

Mentoring in action

The flip side to the modelling coin could be argued to be mentoring. This is just as valuable as modelling; however, it focuses on what you can do to share your own knowledge and skills to help another person or group of people succeed. Mentoring can happen formally and informally, in work settings and in personal life. The parent-child relationship is a perfect example of informal, personal mentoring. Good parents mentor their children by helping them understand the world they live in and showing them how to thrive in it. Children then model their behaviour, adjusting it to fit with their own unique experiences.

Formal mentoring can happen as a one-to-one arrangement when two people are matched and meet up or talk regularly. Other formal mentoring options include distance mentoring, conducted over the internet, video chats, email etc. and group mentoring, when one person ‘looks after’ a larger cohort to share experiences and skills with more than one person at a time.

However, in its purest form, mentoring involves listening with empathy, sharing insights and experiences, helping the person to reflect and grow and acting as a cheerleader and sounding board.[4] It requires high levels of mutual trust, commitment on both sides, effective communication and sometimes brave conversations.

Top tip: Remember that Mentoring is significantly different to Coaching if you are looking for a mentor their skills and competence will be different to a coach. To find out more about this or for more information about NLP, modelling and mentoring, please get in touch.

[1] Source: Avoiding the enemies to happiness, Grant Soosalu, published 2014, pp151-156

[2] Source: https://www.nlp-techniques.org/what-is-nlp/modeling/. Accessed 30 May 2023

[3] Source: NLP for Business Success, Jeremy Lazarus, published 2013, pp231-240

[4] Source: https://www.yourarticlelibrary.com/employee-management/mentoring-meaning-definition-characteristics-and-importance/32402. Accessed 30 May 2023