The most wonderful time of the year? Trauma, triggers and resources at Christmas and New Year
In the run-up to Christmas, the bustling streets, colourful TV adverts and office chatter about who’s doing what for the ‘big day’ can all imply that the festive season is unremittingly happy and exciting for everyone. However, this is, sadly, very much not the case. The simple act of gathering family members together who might not spend much time with each other at any other season can be a trigger for trauma. As can arranging or attending New Year’s Eve parties, choosing presents for people, driving long distances to relatives’ houses in winter conditions and more.
So, what can set off feelings of trauma? Like so much connected with our emotions and lived experiences, there is no ‘one size fits all’ approach when it comes to identifying triggers. For those who have gone through a trauma, triggers that bring back associated feelings can be incredibly distressing, especially if they seem to come out of nowhere and are hard to explain to others.
Trauma triggers can be connected to any of your senses. For example, shots fired in a TV drama or loud New Year’s Eve fireworks can make someone feel scared. A certain song playing on the radio can bring back unwanted memories of when they heard it before.The smell or taste of a certain meal, the feel of a piece of clothing, seeing someone visibly intoxicated with alcohol – things like these can present people living with trauma with very real distress and other difficult emotions. Then, there are emotional triggers that can arise at this time of year, such as becoming involved in an argument at the dinner table, feeling ignored during gift opening sessions or experiencing an overwhelming need to cry.
Whichever type of trauma-related trigger a person experiences, it is likely to make them feel unsafe, panicky and overwhelmed. This is because the sensation sends the mind into ‘fight or flight’ mode in an attempt to protect the person from experiencing the same frightening thing that they have gone through before.
Trauma can last for a very long time and impact on our ability to enjoy events that are ‘supposed’ to be fun, such as Christmas and New Year. There is a period after experiencing a trauma-related trigger in which the person will need to recover, calm back down and regain their equilibrium. Trauma-informed coaching is all about helping people understand the emotions behind theirunwanted reactions to triggers and work on ways to return to their normal baseline quickly and calmly
At the APEX
One model that trauma-informed coaches can use to help their clients understand what triggers them and change their response is the APEX model. This easy, practical strategy helps by interrupting patterns of circular talking, negative self-perception and compulsivebehaviours and responses. It helps people move from being trapped by their trauma triggers to understanding what causes them and taking charge of changing their emotional response. The APEX model can be hugely empowering and very helpful at emotionally difficult times, such as the start of another year.
A: Awareness
We cannot change what we don’t know is happening. So, the process starts by the therapist helping their client work out what their triggers actually are, and what is causing them. Talking about what happened – as far as they are able – and spotting patterns in behaviour, thinking and reactions to certain situations. This area also covers exploring habits, needs and wishes that could well now be part of their subconscious way of living.
P: Pause
Again, we can only change what we don’t want to keep feeling or doing by making an active decision to stop our behaviour, recognise emotions and reassess what is going on. Once we notice patterns of behaviour and responses, we are empowered to pause them, however briefly, to see what happens when we break the chain. Pausing in this way also makes room for mindfulness activities, such as deep breathing, meditation and grounding techniques such as repeating a positive, self-soothing mantra. Sitting with a pet or visualising a favourite place.
E: Embody and engage
Embodiment is a recognised approach to trauma counselling that helps people deal with unprocessed stress in the body and to recognise how their trauma is affecting them physically. It connects a client’s mind to the sensations they are feeling in their body and helps them become fully aware of the present moment, rather than triggered and overwhelmed by the past. This helps to establish new, healthier patterns of thinking. Engagement with what is happening to a person in the moment can then follow, helping them to experience and enjoy their present reality without being restricted or distressed by difficult aspects of their past.
X: Crossroads
The final stage of the APEX model is making a conscious decision to change a response to a trauma-related trigger. To experience a difficult moment, acknowledge it fully and actively choose to respond to it differently. This will only come from a place of feeling grounded, informed and empowered to take control. One good way of encouraging this is to ask the client to come up with their own ways in which this could be done. Changes can be very simple – sitting up straight and maintaining eye contact instead of assuming defensive, subordinate body language when speaking to a difficult relative over the holidays, for example. Or they can be more complex – listing responses to anticipated questions, accusations or criticisms and working on ways to foster the courage to reply to them calmly and assertively.
This is a great model for coaching those dealing with trauma and if you are a coach and want to find out more then look at Joanna Harper’s training here https://www.integratetraining.co.uk/about/
Or start with reading her book Trauma Informed Coaching
If you are a client who wants to explore how coaching can help you then get in touch and let’s explore what is the right type of coaching for you Let’s Connect
